Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Separation Anxiety

After the long break during Christmas & New Year, and with me working from home twice a week since we had broadband, Zara has become ever closer to me.
Starting this year, on days I go to the office, when I drop Zara and Tuyam off at King's Wife's place, Zara would kick up a fuss. She would be reaching her hands out for me, put on a very sad face, refusing to follow Tuyam or Lita (King's Wife's maid) into the house. Normally, I'll pick her up from the car seat, say my bye bye firmly, tell her to be good and that I'll see her later, passed her to either Lita or Tuyam, get back to the car and drive off. Making our parting short and sweet.

this is how she looks like when she doesn't want me to leave her (this is not taken at King's Wife's place, but the situation and the expression is the same)

Tuyam said at King's Wife's place, Zara would be fretting, and during nap time, she would be tossing and turning, and mumbling Ah-Mee (her pronunciation of Mummy). Sometimes Tuyam has to call me in the office and let me talk to her. Normally it's just a 'Hi' from her, some talking from me to tell her to be good, listen to kakak, and then a 'bye' from her and end of conversation. It seems to help her to feel more settled. While working from home, she would constantly try to climb up the stairs, or point up to the study from the courtyard, and start calling "Ah Mee". I have to avoid coming downstairs, because if I do, she would rush to me, then cling on to me and refuse to go with Tuyam when I have to go back to the study to work. Even in the middle of the night when I have to go to the washroom, if she so happened to turn to my side and found I wasn't there, she would sit up and then call for Ah Mee (crying will start if she didn't see me in a few seconds). I wonder what would happen if I was given a summon by the boss to go for a business trip??!! How will the both of us cope with the separation anxiety?


Anonymous said...

My heart broke looking at Zara's expression. I do hope (for yr sake and Zara's) your boss wont send u away on a business trip.

I wonder when Leisha will start missing/wanting me like that. I know I will not be able to handle it if/when she cries for me not to go to work (cauz i too hate coming to work, maybe that'll be a good reason/excuse for me to be a stay home mum).

Egghead said...

Yeap... I see that every morning... sigh!

Mama BoK said...

i know how you feel .. Zara's mama, Chloe is this way too.. everytime we leave for the store.. either with the babysitter or my MIL.
And i tell you .. when we come home.. she is Soooooooo..... happy . and that makes me feel ultra bad.. but we gotta do what we gotta do right..?? and i'm sure we give them quality time .. so donch you worry too much.. :)

geetha said...

Ahhh, everyday also got this wan..

I experienced the worst when I was away on a business trip for nearly three weeks. i didn't realise how much he felt my absense at 7 months! Read more here (http://geethz.blogspot.com/2005/11/history-repeating-itself.html)

Now, I don't dare leave my little one. Don't wanna experience another of this...

Sue said...

nother reason besides oversleeping that makes me arrive late at work - Ivan waking up before I manage to leave the house and clings to me... I love him being clingy but it breaks my heart to leave him behind as I go for work :P


i die die won't go until Brad is 1 1/2 year old. for the nearer country, i will only go for a day trip- wake up at 5am and reach home by 10-11pm.

when i did have to go 1 1/2 years later, Brad cried thru'out the nite like d'champion...poor chap.

like it or not, there will still be other trip but i'm putting it off as long as possible..

Mama22Beas said...

Luckily for me, I don't experience this much as, probably I see my girls during lunchbreak.

I'm trying to do day trips as much as I can. And as for international conferences, either have the money to bring everyone with me or just let it go;) *sigh*

P said...

I'm with egghead too ... i see this every day ... sigh ...

Rani said...

i guess i'm really mean then... i would ignore my baby's cry when i gotta go

yl said...

smuggle her in your handcarry luggage!! :P

Jason said...

So kelian zara in that picture...

jazzmint said...

wow..sounds like the super peak of clingy stage!!! Also maybe cause of bf? If got trip, then bring her along lorr hehe

Samm said...

I'm sure gonna get some of that when gordon goes off to nursery. but i hope not for long. at least zara's with family members.

L B said...

I'm kinda half glad I am spared this... :-(

amanda said...

Hi Zara's mom, I am a singapore mom and got to your blog when surfing. Nice one!

I thought its pretty sweet to feel so needed. Maybe because both my baby (4 months old) and I are not in that stage yet. Hmm we'll see.

Tracy said...

It hurts to see Zara cries like dat. Destinee was in the same situation when she was at her nanny's place.

I went to Penang without Destinee when she was about a year old. U know what happened? I cried myself to sleep and was holding her photo and my hubby said I was 'siao'. Really missed her mar. Men just won't and never will understand what's separation anxiety.

Milly said...

i think that's good for u to leave Zara like. i noe is very cruel to do that. but this train her as well!! not to clingy to mom. indepent maybe!

last time i also like that, but mamibee stil do that. after fewww times i ok with it aredi... everywhere she 1 2 go.. she go.. just leave me at aunyt house.

Contented Mum said...

I guess that is the woes of a working mum! I face the same situation as well.

Jesslyn said...

Well can understand your feeling, we all gone thru this!

mariahlc aka twinsmom said...

poor zara...at this stage she still can't tell mommy's schedule leh, give her sometime then she will "get use" to the "schedule" that seeing you.
separation anxiety can happen even the mother is SAHM, one second didn't see mommy also can cry like nobody business.
after zara get use to the schedule, then you might say she doesn't miss you liao ;).

mom2ashley said...

wah..what a pitiful expression! what do you do ah? you all can work from home openly? as in your manager encourages it?

sesame said...

Ah, the unbearable separation anxieties that is so bitter sweet. I also know what you mean about trying not to let her see you when you work at home because that happens to me too.

If you expect to be called away for biz, maybe you need to prep her now, by doing short disappearing acts occasionally in the night or having her to sleep with the maid?

Zara's Mama said...

Soon, when Leisha is older, she'll cry for you too when you go to work.
I can't afford to be SAHM, and I don't think I can stay at home with the kid 24hrs a day without working, so I don't think I'm craft out to be SAHM. :(

Hah.. LLS is like that too?

I believe quality time is better! If I have to stay with her the whole day, I won't be 'nurturing' her, but would just be her care giver. I prefer to spend 1, 2 hours daily with her and give her all my concentration and play with her.
So like I said to Venitha, i can't be a SAHM.

Went to read your post. That bad huh?

But we gota do what we gota do right? So just have to be firm, and when we're back, spend quality time with them. :P

Two Little Fellas,
Luckily, my current manager is quite understanding. He parked me under "with young families" so he won't 'summon' me for biz trips yet.
I went away for 2 weeks when Zara was 5mths old, that time she was alright. In fact both maid and hubby said she was better behaved without me.
But now, i think it will not be the case any more. :(

Good for you your beas get to see you during lunch and hence have something to look forward to.

Went to your blog to check you out. Your A is like that too?

I would ignore to, just be sweet and fast. We really gota go right?

I actually got her passport made. Anytime, can just grab and bring her along. No need to smuggle la.

yeah loh. kelian.

MIL always she clings to me b'cos of BF loh, but I feel even if don't BF, you spend as much time with her, she'll still be clingy.
yeah.. got trip will see if can bring her.

Oh yah.. Gordon going to start nursery soon huh.. next year?

Your time will come, you time will come. Who knows you may get Twins when you hit the jackpot one day.
haha.. Double of this!

I went to yr blog to chk you out. It feels good to be needed, but sometimes makes you feel mean to having leave her. Yours is still young, wait till he's older.

Huh? You cried? Not Destinee? I don't think I will cry, but will miss her. :P

So now you independant (got wing and feathers) liao. Now you leave mamibee instead. haha.

Contented mum,
Yes. But both of us (baby & mum) will have something to look forward to. :P

Now can you leave Lyon alone and go out? Is it more difficult for you? If you bring one and not the other what happens?

Yeah loh.. wait for her to understand this. Then she will wait for me to come home when the sun set! That will be another phase!

My manager or team don't mind.. since they are all not local (I don't work with anybody local except my M'sian users).. so really I can work from anywhere.

Err.. sleeping with the maid? I won'd do that.. I'm trying to train her to sleep with hubby, but have not been successful.. I gave in when she wailed. :(

Allyfeel said...

same here...BB is still behaving this way especially when I send him back to my mother in Port Klang. The sad face and crying...but usually after I left, he will be okay.

earthember said...

Ohhhhh! I dislike that separation anxiety too. In fact, I might have had more anxiety than my kids did. My heart not only broke, it shattered too. Hence, then, I entrusted my hubby with the task of sending my daughter to child-care.

Helen said...

I bet if that day comes when boss send u on trips, I'm sure that'll be the hardest thing for Zara and you to bear. It's never easy to be apart from someone dear.....

From what you wrote, it really requires alot of discipline working at home eh?? The temptation is there to go do your own things.... and of course see Zara. lol

Don't think too much. :-)

shiaulin said...

this seldom happen to me as i seldom leave my son haha.. and my son hor, ai... i think he will happily wave bye bye to me if i leave him... typical daddy's boy.

blurblur said...

Poor Zara!

I know the feeling,especially now i've got to face a teary Damien every morning! But don't worry much though, kids adapt to changes very fast! Give her lots of assurance though! :)

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