Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Co-sleeping - Great Plans Do Fail

I could never relate to parents who co-sleep with their child, and when I learnt that some are still doing that even when the child is primary school going, I hissed under my breath. Before Zara was born, we were doing rooms allocation and decoration plan for our new house, and I have big plans. We will have a separate room for Zara, she will learn how to be independent from day one. When people asked me where Zara was going to sleep when she's born, I said smugly, "In the study room attached to our master bed room." (this was in the old house). For her cot, I purposely looked for a big one which will be able to cater a child up till 3, 4 years of age. I have never planned for what was coming. As it was nearer to my EDD, I told Daddy the study room would be a bit too stuffy, since there's only a small fan, and no aircon, I suggested that the cot be placed in the master bed room. Then Zara was born, such a fragile and dependent little baby. I was always worried about SID (Sudden Infant Death). In her first month, I consciously woke up several times in the night just to check if she was still breathing (we didn't have a confinement lady as stated here). I started bringing her to bed for night feeds, we just laid side by side, she nursed and I could just lie down and watch her (less taxing on my back), or touch her. Several times, I drifting off to sleep half way, and didn't put Zara back into her cot after her feed. Some how, with her sleeping close to me made me rest better (for one, I didn't have to walk to her cot to check). Then it started to become a norm, if she woke up for her night feed, she would sleep with us till the next morning. Zara slept through starting from her 6th week. She would take her last feed at 11pm, then slept for 6 to 7 hours. This mean she would come to our bed, and have her milk at 5 or 6am and stayed till we woke up. Somehow, she started waking up middle of the night again. Sometimes due to night mare, sometimes I think just so she could come to sleep with us. She would wake up at 4am, cried, and when we brought her to our bed, she would snuggle close to us, and went back to sleep (sometimes she would only go back to sleep if I nurse her). Then 4am became 3am, and 3am became 2am. Lately, at around 1am, she will be awake, stands in her cot, and starts shouting for me. She will stop only if she was brought to our bed. In bed, to feel her head resting close to my arm or just being able to reach out and touch her, made me feel peaceful. Sometimes, she would have her arm thrown across ours, in the mornings, Daddy and I would competecompare notes on whom she clung on most during the night. When Daddy is out of town, I would normally sleep with her. I found emotionally I am more peaceful with her next to me. I could always go to sleep with a smile, and wake up with a smile. And for Zara, I noticed that if she slept with me the whole night, she would rarely wake up in the middle of the night fussing, she would sleep through 10 solid hours. I started finding excuses to get her to sleep with us. "She seems to be having a slight cough, maybe she should come and sleep with us tonight so I can monitor her." "I'm very tired today, so I don't want to walk to the cot to comfort her if she cried in the middle of the night, can she sleep with us?" and lately, no more excuses, I just put her in our bed, and said "lets have her sleep in our bed tonight". Mind you, Daddy and I share a queen size bed; he's a six footer, and I'm nothing close to being petite. We had to move our bodies close to the edge of the bed, and let her occupy the big space in the centre, but Daddy didn't mind, and I love it. So, she's spending more and more nights in our bed. I now understand why people co-sleep with their child/children, it's really for inner peace, for the child as well as the parents. As for the room we'd allocated to Zara, hmm, I'm not sure when I'll ever be able to let her sleep so far away me. Now, I'll probably be hissed at since my great plans have failed.


yl said...

classic case of nothing goes according to plans... :P

Egghead said...

hahahah! I too had such failed plans... but mostly is due to the traumatic experience during his delivery :)

now I don't even want him on his cot... he sleep in between us on our King size bed (far-sighted leh) :P

Helen said...

Maybe when Zara is older she can have her own room. Please put a light there!! lol I know there are parents who put their children in their own room but never leave a light on. Even I would also be scared..not to mention the poor kid.

Really, I know how it feels now when you want your baby to be by your side 24/7. The right thing to do when Zara is older is to let her have her own room. It'll be better for you and your hubby. :-)

** give a kiss to Zara for me..**

Milly said...

erm....i stil rememebr when i was aroound Zara age, mami put me in cot...but i cry n cry non stop until the next day... that's also when mom in confinment...!! i did it...!! now becos of mami get sleepless nite when confinment...her back pain seriously... hmmm... my fault ler..!! everytime she feel pain, she will blame it on me..!!

Annie said...

My plan didnot fail...coz my plan is to co-sleep with baby..hehehe!! I feel more peace this way. Tuck under armpit lagi best... I like it most when she sticks her body to mind.

jazzmint said...

hehehe...i occasionally will have faythe co-sleep with us, esp. on nights she seems to wake up alot times finding her pacifier (mommy too lazy to walk), but both myself and hubby cant tahan her sleeping habits, she turns 360degrees and kick both of us when she sleeps. So we have no choice but to dump her in own cot :)

Allyfeel said... too enjoy having to co-sleep with my son. I can caress him, watch him, smell him and feel his warmness. It's so peaceful.

A lot of people tell me it's not good, but mum said he will grow out of it. Just hope he does, if not, got to get him a car shaped lure him into sleeping on his own. ;)

Fannie said...

er...i share slightly different plan from you...tho' I also try not to let Ethyl sleep with us on a same bed.

It was tough and I was already planning what to write and that shall be a special entry for her on her birthday. :)

Anyway, enjoy the closeness of co-sleeping! :)

maria said...

yah... that's why don't ask me why I still co-sleep with our girls.
what could be more wonderful with wake up see two smiling contented face?
but see lar, will let them try sleep in their room after CNY, wait ah, see ah...

blurblur said...

Hmm...Damien sleeps in the master bedroom with us. He only sleep on our bed when he's not well. Somehow he's not into the idea of sleeping with us, he would always tell me: "i want to sleep in baby's bed, i don't want mummy's bed"...

King's wife said...

i have been guilty of that too. Like u said, too tired to get up in the middle of the night with every sound and whimper. plus, u can definitely get a better night's sleep.

Sue said...

ivan also used to sleep by himself in the cot up to 1 or 2 months ago, he seemed to wake up a lot in the middle of the night... before, i used to sleep much less coz i always had to go over to his cot and check on him

so i find that he sleeps better when he can snuggle close to us in the "also queen size bed"... it's a tight fit but worth it coz i can hug him like a teddy :P

Lazymama said...

Yeah, same here! Yee Ching was sleeping independently in the paypen before 8 months old and co-sleeping with us after 8 months old. Three of us co-sleeping in a queen size bed too and daddy and I had been trained to adjust ourself with her stunt sleeping action! LOL!

I find that I have better rest after co-sleeping with her as I don't have to wake up so often to check on her! :P

Passerby A said...

I don't think I will ever get Ophelia out of our bed leh...

Twin said...

we have two mattresses - 1 king and 1 queen. And both our kids are sleeping in-between us. LOL. Our girl will have the bigger mattress with Daddy cos she move around a lot when she sleeps. And our boy will sleep with me. I plan to move them to their own room when they are about 3 or 4 yo. Hopefully by then they are ok with it. :)

Zara's Mama said...

yup, it's always better to not plan for such things. :P

haha, you too ah? but you more far sighted than us la.

sure will have a night lamp on.
*muak* already given a kiss to her.

your memory so good? Can remember things happening when you were about 1yr old?
Hope all mamibee's effort is worth it, and you now very very sayang her.

clever planner. :P

better to have choices. I too, if I feel like it, will put her in her cot, but even so, by 3am she would find her way to sneak back into our bed.

my sister still co-sleeping with her 2 sons, and they are 8 and 11!! Hope your 'plan' will work! Do blog about it.

ok, will wait for your post.

see if your plan will work huh? you have 2 smiles, more difficult to resist.. hmm..

either Damien is a macho man, or daddy and mummy are the ones who kick him or turn 360degrees when they sleep. LOL

king's wife,
at least the girls now sleep separately from you.. aaa but.. when king is away, you prefer to sleep with them too.

time to upgrate your bed. how are you going to have 1 newborn, 1 todler, 1 daddy, 1 mummy all sleeping on the same queen size bed?

Aaah.. you are like Sue and I, all also half way turn to co-sleeping already. :P

the diva,
mummy doesn't want to or Ophelia doesn't want to? LOL

see how your plan will work ok? That's also my plan, but worried it's going to be another failed plan.

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