Wednesday, March 22, 2006
Carrot And Stick
I try to be a good mum, I really try. I prefer not to use any physiccal force but to reason with her, but I'm also impatient and short temper. On occasions when Zara pushed me to the limits, and refused to heed my warnings, I will slap her thighs, her buttocks or her hand. Here are 2 common situations which I will use physical force : 1) She soils her diaper and while I'm changing her, she tosses and turns, and reaches her hands out to touch her buttocks. 1st warming, "No Zara! Dirty! Zara cannot touch!" If she still reached out to touch her buttock or wriggle about, I'll issue the 2nd warning. I point my pointer at her "NO! Mummy beat beat!". And then if she still doesn't listen, I'll slap her thigh. That would make her cry and stay still. 2) When she endanger herself like trying to put the gum ball into her mouth. After 2 warnings are issued ("No Zara, after you choke on the ball!" followed by a "Stop It! Don't be silly! Mummy beat beat huh?!"), PIAK, my palm will land on her hand or buttocks after I take the ball away from her. If you asked the little girl "If Zara yai-yai (Chinese: naughty, but a milder form), what will mummy do?" She'll reply, "Beeat!" and then clap her hands together! Lately, I'd devised another way of 'punishing' her. So far, I'd placed her 3 times in the naughty corner, where I'd put her facing the wall at the corner of the room. Nobody was allowed to console her even if she got upset, for a minute or 2, and then I'd pick her up and tell her what she did wrong. No physical punishment, but that seems to work better. Now when she's misbehaving, I'd only had to threaten her with, "Zara want to go to naughty corner?". She would reply "Don wan!" and then pull her act together or at least try to. Every time after I'd punished her, she would want me to carry and comfort her or else she would bawl. I'm not all evil, I reward her generously too. When she does something clever or good, I applaud, praise her, lift her high up, kiss her, hug her, make a big fuss out of it, makes her feel kembang (Malay : ego expanded). Now whenever she does something clever, she would clap her hands and shout, "Bah-Vo (Bravo, thanks to Sound of Music)". I get the signal when she does that, and will clap furiously too, and will elbow Tuyam and Daddy to do the same. Do you punish your kids, even a toddler? And who do you reward them?